Reviews and Editing by R. Allen Leider
with CJ Henderson, Andrew Johnson and Monis Rose

September 3rd , 2010

"Going the Distance "

Reviewed by CJ Henderson

I read today that "Toy Story 3" has just passed the one billion dollar mark. Think about that for a moment. Most of the movies that were ever made have not passed that point. And this second sequel has done so in just a matter of a few months. Now, some might think that I’m trying to make some sort of veiled dig at the third Toy Story movie, but trust me, nothing could be further from my purpose. Pixar as a studio is a monument to both classic and classy story-telling. And that, dear reader, is my point. When one approaches a subject with an eye toward telling a good story, one can not only turn in an excellent film, but one can do it more than once.

The common wisdom about sequels is that they have to be bad. Of course, with such films in the can such as "The Godfather II" or "The Empire Strikes Back," et cetera, the common wisdom is shown to be in need of amendment. The only reason sequels "have to be bad" in Hollywood is that most studios are money-grubbing corporate cesspools. Art means nothing to them. The bottom line is all they care about. It is with that thought in mind that we approach the pitiful sack of offensive banality I sat through this evening. And, please be warned, although I do have a few kind remarks to make about "Going the Distance," some of them will probably sound condescending, but it’s the best I have to offer. This is, sadly, simply not a film that deserves much kindness. That could be because I’m old, and used to a better class of movie. Let’s find out.

The Story: Erin (Drew Barrymore) is a California girl who left everything behind to move to New York to be with a guy she loved. When he dumps her she decides it’s time to return to CA and get her masters. Garrett (Justin Long) is a guy who has never had a serious relationship. He does not understand the first thing about women. When his girl friend dumps him for being an idiot, his friends take him out drinking. Erin and Garrett meet, fall in love, and do cute stuff for the six weeks until Erin has to leave for CA.

But, they’re in love, so they begin a long distance relationship. His friends Box and Dan (Jason Sudeikis, Charlie Day) are no help. Neither is Erin’s over-protective married sister Corinne (Christina Applegate). Still, they perceive, and surprise, end up together at the end. Awwwwww-- Ain’t love grand?

There is, simply put, no reason to see this movie. First off, the dialogue is remarkably obscene for no particular reason. When a gangster film has the "F" word in every sentence, audiences accept it because, well after all, it’s a movie about low-life killers and social defectives. What’s the excuse here? The excuse, sadly, is that this movie is about modern people, and quite frankly many of them don’t have much clever to say. In the old days, romantic comedy screen lovers like Cary Grant, Kate Hepburn, Judy Garland, Spencer Tracy--you know the list--had witty, urbane things to say. Their verbal sparring was fast-paced, droll, witty and amusing. It had weight and substance. It was worth listening to. No such luck here. Here instead of snappy rejoinders we get text messages. Pithy comments are replaced by strings of "UR4me" drivel.

There’s more.

Writer Geoff LaTulippe, who has never written a feature film before, shows his inability at every turn. For instance, since he doesn’t know much about creating realistic people, he makes Garrett pretty stupid. Since his friends are supposed to be bigger losers than he is when it comes to women, he finds he needs to make them unbearably ignorant so Garrett can look better.I said earlier that I had a few good things to say about the film. The outdoor cinematography, both in San Francisco and New York City, is superb. There are also several (three or four) laugh out loud moments. And, on occasion, Ms. Barrymore is actually somewhat attractive.

But, that’s about it.

Vulgar, simplistic, boring. This film is populated with unlikable characters, simpletons and self-centered ciphers. Not only is the ending is depressingly predictable, but every plot point throughout the entire picture could be foretold by a sign-language-gifted gorilla. And please, do understand, I loved the South Park film, which is on record as having more obscenities per second than any other movie ever made. But, it was also wildly sarcastic and satiric, as well as clever, insightful, and, well ... just goddamned funny. This is not any of those things. Especially not funny.

Our final word: 0 stars out of 5.

The Players: Drew Barrymore, Justin Long, Jason Sudeikis, Christina Applegate, and Charlie Day

The Filmmakers:
Directed by Nanette Burstein
Screenplay by Geoff LaTulippe
Released by Warner Brothers Pictures

''The American "

Academy Award winner George Clooney stars in the title role of this suspense thriller. As an assassin, Jack ( George Clooney) is constantly on the move and always alone. After a job in Sweden ends more harshly than expected for this American abroad, Jack retreats to the Italian countryside. He relishes being away from death for a spell as he holes up in a small medieval town. While there, Jack takes an assignment to construct a weapon for a mysterious contact, Mathilde (Thekla Reuten). Savoring the peaceful quietude he finds in the mountains of Abruzzo, Jack accepts the friendship of local priest Father Benedetto (Paolo Bonacelli) and pursues a torrid liaison with a beautiful woman, Clara (Violante Placido). Jack and Clara’s time together evolves into a romance, one seemingly free of danger. But by stepping out of the shadows, Jack may be tempting fate.

The Players: George Clooney, Thekla Reuten, Paolo Bonacelli, and Violante Placido

The Filmmakers:
Directed by Anton Corbijn
Screenplay by Rowan Joffe and Martin Booth
Released by Focus Features

'Machete"

Machete (Danny Trejo) is a renegade former "Mexican Federale". He roams the cities, towns, and streets of Texas looking for work after a shakedown from a drug lord called Torrez (Steven Segal). Machete has a run-in with businessman Michael Benz (Jeff Fahey),who tells Machete that McLaughlin (Robert De Niro), a corrupt senator, is sending hundreds of illegal immigrants out of the country and that he must be killed. Benz offers Machete $150,000 to kill McLaughlin who quickly accepts the murder contract out of greed for the money. Machete is double-crossed when he tries to pull off the assassination and is shot in the shoulder by Benz's henchmen whom are soon revealed to be in league with Senator McLaughlin who set up Machete as part of a false flag operation to gain widespread public support for McLaughlin's anti-immigration laws. Now on the run from the law and being tracked not only by a ruthless henchwoman hired by Torrez, Machete is also tracked down by Sartana (Jessica Alba), a persistant U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent with a special interest in the blade slinger. Machete goes after Benz and his men, as well as Senator McLaughlin, with the help of his only three allies; his "holy" Federale-turned-priest brother Padre (Cheech Marin) with a thing for pump-action shotguns; a saucy meat cleaver-wielding taco slinger named Luz (Michelle Rodriguez); and Benz socialite daughter April (Lindsey Lohan - YES!! Lindsay Lohan!!), whom Machete kidnapps and who soon develops a fancination for the blade-wielding fugitive since April has a penchant for guns. Machete rallies a group of illegal migrants together, and they all begin to hunt the people who double crossed him. Based on a character director/writer Robert Rodriguez created in the ''Spy Kids'' series.

The Players: Danny Trejo, Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Steven Seagal and Lindsay Lohan

The Filmmakers
Directed by: Robert Rodriguez
Screenplay by: Robert and Alaro Rodriquez
Released by Twentieth Century Fox

''A Woman, A Gun and a Noodle Shop"

Wang (Dhaong Ni ) is a gloomy and cunning noodle shop owner in a desert town in China. Feeling neglected, Wang’s wayward wife ( Yan Ni ) secretly goes out with his employee, Li ( Xiao Shen-Yang ). A timid man, Li reluctantly keeps the gun the landlady bought for ‘killing her husband later’. However, not a single move they make escapes the boss’s notice, and he decides to bribe patrol officer Zhang ( Hong Lei Sun ) to kill the illicit couple. It looks like a perfect plan: the affair will come to a cruel but satisfying end… or so he thinks, but the equally wicked Zhang has an agenda of his own that will lead to even more violence… In Mandarin with English subtitles



The Players: Sun Hong-Lei, Xiao Shenyang, Yan Ni, Ni Dahong, Cheng Ye, and Mao Mao

The Filmmakers
Directed by Zhang Yimou
Screenplay by Jianquan Shi and Jing Shang and
(Ethan Coen based on the 1984 screenplay Blood Simple)
Released by Sony Pictures Classics